Between Order and Chaos

My husband Bren and I have been together over a decade now. I always thought it’d be best to be with someone similar in nature to me. I thought I married someone similar. But over the years it’s become clear that’s not quite the case…

My default is spontaneity. I don't revel in making plans; I happily discard them if something new comes up. I want to let my natural intuition, emotions, and desires drive my actions. I want to feel free—unrestricted, unrestrained by schedules, timelines, or plans that limit my ability to change and go with the flow. A last-minute party? Count me in!

Bren, on the other hand, loves structure. Planning, organizing, and researching give him comfort and a sense of control. Last-minute party? No thanks.

When we travel, he's already booked the transportation, checked out nearby restaurants, and planned the next three meals. I, on the other hand, have done only some superficial research on how I will get from A to B. I opt to just walk around when I'm hungry, exploring options with my own eyes, keeping things unplanned and open-ended to say yes to whatever opportunity arises.

It's incredible that we have traveled extensively together (and still enjoy it) despite our drastically different approaches to travel and life in general.

The Pendulum Swing

Before quitting our jobs and coming to Thailand, we had a typical work schedule that demanded strict routines. Our days lacked variation, and even our creative outlet of playing worship together at our church felt constrained by a lack of time. There was no space in our minds to stray from the track we had found ourselves on, and even Bren craved a divergence from the current regimen.

This past year has been a gradual unwinding and much-needed rest from all the demands and expectations. We have spent ample time resting, being together, exploring, reading, and making friends. We planned little and took in what naturally came to us. But the unwinding has now become an unspooling. A fraying of order and a lack of momentum forward. What used to be a tightrope has relaxed into a limp slackline.

We had swung from one extreme to the other.

We decided we needed to implement a solid routine, define our objectives, and make plans for our future. So, we've implemented and stuck to a fairly rigid routine.

• 5 AM alarm.

• Coffee.

• Ice bath.

• Weights.

• Breakfast.

• Work.

Writing, editing, filming, brainstorming. Planting seeds and building gardens. Meal prepping and early bedtimes.

We got white boards and hung them in our house for goodness sake.

Optimizing our days and being accountable for our time has done wonders for our productivity and enabled us to steadily work towards our goals in a tangible way. I don't wonder what to do anymore, it's on the schedule.

Bren is positively thriving.

I, on the other hand, am feeling a tad claustrophobic.